Osborne admits economy 'a bit like a David Lynch film'

UK Chancellor George Osborne today admitted he found running the UK economy 'a bit like a David Lynch film,  frankly it leaves me confused.  I open up those economic reports and it may as well be David Bowie talking backwards whilst a dwarf stares out at me from behind a curtain. '

Osborne however insisted his economic programme would turn out as well as the Lynch directed Sci Fi film Dune. 

POLICE CALL OFF SEARCH FOR MATCHING SOCK

Westcumberlandshire Police today called off a massive hunt for a matching sock.

The search, which had involved 100 officers, was finally wound down last night.  A police spokesman commented: "We unfortunately have to accept that we'll never find the matching sock.  This type of disappearance is distressingly common, and we suspect a major eastern European sock trafficking ring may be involved. "